Reclaim Your Energy In Relationships: Lesson 1
Your partner has and will always respond to how you feel about yourself internally. Energy and thoughts can be felt by each partner, even if you haven’t seen them in weeks, months, years. I still have dreams of ex-partners and then the next day they call. Each partner can feel when the one is thinking about the other. Imagine a tube or open channel leading from you and to your partner. At all times, messages are being sent through the channel. That is why you most likely know and feel everything that your partner is experiencing.
Your partner can also feel when you are clingy, or your energy has become needy because of insecurity or an unmet emotional need. Many times I have witnessed relationships where one person has not completed the emotional work and became co-dependent on his/her partner, which typically turns the partner off. No one wants to carry another person’s emotional baggage for long. After a while, it becomes taxing on the physical, emotional, and spiritual body. Not understanding why their partner is pulling away, the co-dependent will continue to try harder. It turns into a chase, and the best advice I’ve ever heard was, “everything you chase in life runs away.” Now imagine if there are two people in a relationship who haven’t done the emotional work, or who are not aware of where one’s baggage ends, and when the other’s begins. They are constantly swimming in a pool unmet emotional needs and passing back and forth deep insecurities through the open channel. These types of relationships are harsh on the spirit and often leave those involved confused and hurt. If you lack awareness of self in a relationship, it’s possible that you could be projecting, or allowing yourself to take on energy that is not yours. If you don’t know who you are, then it will be hard to establish spiritual, physical, and emotional boundaries.
If you are feeling this misbalance in a relationship, then you would benefit from reclaiming your energy. What does reclaim your energy mean? It means owning your energy, the good and the bad. In the process of becoming more attached and dependent, you and your partner are dumping large bouts of your energy onto each other, poisoning the channel. It’s the type of energy that comes from a dark ball in the pit of your stomach, or a deep wound from the heart. This type of energy is fear, not love. There is a difference, and it is imperative to feel the difference between the two. I challenge you to become more aware of when you are fearfully loving.
I had a client whose name will remain anonymous but in this case, we will call Ashely. Ashely came to me because she was feeling drained all the time. She couldn’t sleep. Her appetite was waning, and she found herself losing passion in life. She wasn’t hanging out with her friends as much, and every time she wanted to spend time alone at her place, her partner wouldn’t allow it. He would say that she was selfish for wanting to be alone, because if they didn’t sleep next to each other, he wouldn’t be able to get a good night’s rest. Ashley’s partner, Jack, was fearfully loving, and Ashely was allowing this. We spoke about reclaiming her energy, and she agreed to it. We created a successful plan. The first intention we worked on was creating space between her and Jack. At first, she didn’t feel confident enough to stand up and speak her truth. She didn’t want to spend another night of Jack yelling at her, demeaning her, and calling her selfish. The common pattern of their fights was that instead of leaving, Ashley would stay and take all of the negative energy that Jack would emit. I advised her to have her stuff ready, and after speaking to Jack and sharing her view about space, that she leave.
Needless to say, this technique worked. Jack began emitting the negative energy, and Ashely decided to leave. She said that on her way home, she felt immensely liberated, she felt confidence and power. It was the first time that she had let herself feel anything in a while.
So lesson one of reclaiming your energy in relationships is to first create space between you and your partner. After all, how can you begin to reclaim your energy if you don’t have the space to do so If you don’t have the chance to discern your energy from your partners?
What is space and why is it important, stay tuned for the next lesson!
Relationship Coach and Master Healer of The Mind, Body, and Spirit.