The Mind, Heart, and Sex Connection—Emphasis on the Heart <3

The Mind, Heart, and Sex Connection—Emphasis on the Heart <3

“Alright everyone, I want you to sit across from you partner and as you begin to nestle into each other’s energies, set the intention to enter a heart centered space,” the facilitator instructed. Sophia peered hopefully at her Fiancé Liam. It was the week before that Sophia decided to sign the both of them up for an intimacy workshop. Since Liam had proposed, small fears had begun to rear their ugly heads. Sophia was doing her best to quiet them, but it seemed to madden them more. Taking a courageous step forwards, she decided it was time to face her fears head on. “Place one hand on your partner’s heart, as you continue to eye gaze, “the instructor cooed.  Her voice soothing and serene would have usually calmed Sophia, but as she stared into Liam’s eyes her heart began to race, and chest tightened. Hand on Liam’s heart, Sophia desperately searched for any ounce of vulnerability, any small, weak part that she could knock on and be allowed in. Sophia’s heart opened as it always did, allowing Liam’s easy entrance, while Sophia was left alone outside of his heart in the cold. She shivered and looked away from Liam. Tears were beginning to stream down her cheeks. She had suspected that this was the case. Liam’s mind was absolutely beautiful, deep, philosophical, in fact, they would stay up all night debating, discussing, and unraveling the complexity of concepts. Not only that, the sex was out of this world. His physical build and package pleased Sophia endlessly. But when it came to matters of the heart, he was guarded, only allowing others to see or feel so much of it at a time, if at all. 

After researching and assessing, I have created a theory about the different connections that those in relationships can feel for one another can be summed up into three categories:

•    Heart
•    Mind
•    Sex

Let us begin by breaking down the heart to heart connection. The heart chakra is feminine in the way that it controls the “I feel” portion of the spirit. Connecting with another from the heart feels safe, insanely vulnerable, and deep all at the same time. I would love to say it’s easy to connect with another from the heart, but some find it difficult to open up especially if they’ve been hurt many times before. The heart is a funny creature. After it gets hurt the first time, it begins to thicken its protection, building obstacles courses and mazes around it, trying its best to inhibit another serious injury. I’ll be the first to tell you that the right mate will easily puncture the bulletproof case surrounding your heart, and then you will be faced with a tough decision. “Do I follow my heart’s desire and allow this person in, or do I succumb to fear and bury myself?” This verdict isn’t a one and done decision. It’s a constant choice that is made every single day. A daily intention to open your heart and connect with your partner. The heart to heart connection is always in flux, constantly shifting with your feelings and emotions. Often, I see situations like Liam and Sophia where one partner's heart isn’t as open as the other's, or maybe it was wide open at a particular time, and then it mysteriously closed, leaving the alternate partner confused and hurt.

 So how can you create and maintain a heart to heart connection? Allow your partner to see you naked, and I don’t mean in the physical sense. I mean emotionally and spiritually naked. Knock your walls of defense down and bring out the vulnerability. Vulnerability attracts honesty and honesty is a language that two connected souls speak fluently with each other, the primal language of love. Understanding a heart to heart connection involves emotional awareness, and learning to feel when your heart is open or closed, is the connection clogged or fluid. A blockage to your partner can feel like a small boulder blocking the entrance to a pathway. You may notice it is there if you are searching for the deeper connection with your partner only to hit some type of an energetic wall.  Once you are aware of the blockage, you can then begin to create a safe space to communicate with your partner about why this blockage is present.

•    When did you notice this blockage occur?

•    What events transpired around that time?

•    Are you hosting negative feelings about your partner?

•    Do you feel safe to be vulnerable with your partner? Why/Why not?

•    When was the last time you felt a heart to heart connection with your partner, and what changed since then?

To reiterate, an open heart is all about feeling safe to be vulnerable. So if you are hosting a blockage, someone may have caused you to feel emotionally unsafe in some way, therefore triggering the defenses. You’ll be surprised how quickly the walls can come back down if you find the courage to talk it out with your partner.

Out of the three connections mind, heart, and sex, the heart to heart connection can be most complicated, and yet can be the most rewarding. What is a relationship without the connection of the heart? Without the, “I feel”?

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve posted an article. I was on hiatus and enjoying the summer days, but now I’m back so stay tuned for a further explanation of the mind, heart, and sex connection. 


Nicole Lunan

Master Healer of the Mind, Body, and Spirit

Relationship Coach

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