Space is The New Sexy
Reclaim Your Energy in Relationships (Lesson 2): Space is The New Sexy
It was the sixth month Brittany had been dating her salacious new love interest Jason. “Move in… why not you’re always over here anyways,” Ray encouraged. Brittany had been staying night after night at Jason’s house and was falling deeper in love with him by the minute. Her lease was up, and she had a decision to make. Should she move in with Jason or should she find her own place?
Three months later, Brittany found herself comfortably sitting on the couch next to Jason watching their favorite show on Netflix. She had agreed to move in. Everything seemed to be going ok, but there were a few things she noticed that had changed, and one was her sex drive. It’s not that Jason wasn’t turning her on, it was just that she knew exactly when they were going to have sex. It had become a daily routine, and when had sex become so predictable? Also, it seemed as if Jason was paying less attention to her. He would come home after work and sit directly in front of the television, with his laptop snuggled on his lap. There are only so many shows one can watch on Netflix before boredom sets in. What happened to the new, hot relationship she had been in? Brittany glanced to the side at Jason, who was busy lost in his own private world. How can Brittany reclaim her energy and rebalance her relationship?
There are three types of space that Brittany can utilize to recoup and reclaim her energy.
1. Sexual Space
2. Cognitive Space
3. Physical Space
One of the most difficult tasks for a couple who spend a large amount of time together is keeping the sex life hot, passionate, and spontaneous. Many couples become sexually depressed as they fall into predictable patterns. Often, partners demand to have sex once or twice a day consistently. For some, that may sound amazing, but for others, the frequency and consistency squelch their desire. Do you know exactly the time that your partner is going to put the moves on you? If yes, then it is time to mix it up. Space is the New Sexy. Create a safe space to have an open discussion about forming a spontaneous sex life, and this might include increasing the time between each sexual encounter. Now, your partner may detest, but even the infamous Esther Perel (a psychotherapist and public speaker who studies the need for freedom within relationships) agrees that space can be viewed as foreplay. The foreplay begins the second sex ends and stops when the next sex session begins. Think about all of that tantalizing teasing that can go on in between then! Make a playful rule to wait for each other, and all of a sudden it feels like you’re a teenager again. Let the hot foreplay begin!
Let’s say that your partner isn’t happy with your request for sexual space, and continues the same pattern. This is an important part of standing in your power, and standing up for yourself. So many times I hear of others who continue to allow their partner to have what they want but feel unhappy and hurt by the process. And for all of those who resonate with that, I challenge you to reclaim your energy, take back what is yours, and what is yours is the right to say no when you do not want to engage in sexual activity.
Lastly, I would like to acknowledge the question, “How much sexual space is too much?” I would love to give you a magic number, but every single person has their own sexual preference, and It is important to honor your partner’s wishes and honor where your partner is in his/her present state. I will advise you that the more you force it, the more your partner will shy away. Ask yourself this… would you rather have a lot of mediocre sex, or intentional mind blowing sex? Orgasmic heights are more easily reached when both partners are fully engaged with an open heart.
Sex is comparable to dance, and in this dance, both partners flow naturally with each other.
Has it been difficult to get your partner’s attention? Check out my next lesson which will discuss cognitive (mental) and physical space.
Relationship Coach, and Master Healer of the Mind, Body, and Spirit.